Me and McKenny, McKenny and Me.

My answering machine is having an affair with an older man. This torrid bit of hanky-panky has been going on over six months now. As the third person (and the one in the dark about everything) in this fling, I am repeatedly crushed, when, I come home and see the seductive blinking red light - begging me to touch it and it turns out to be a message from this McKenny dude.

First I am led to believe I am actually getting some phone love and then my heart is maliciously pureed like a summer squash when I hear McKenny's cumbersome breathing. His speech is deliberate. He takes his time when wooing my answering machine. The fact she just sits there and takes it... makes me sick.

Ok....so what is really going on? Well, here is what I know: for the past six months, about twice a month, I come home to find a message from this guy named McKenny on my answering machine. They are not obscene. The only obscene thing about this is I wish he would call more often when I am not at home. By my guess, he is probably in his 70's and obviously misdials (big button phones people - worth the investment). I'm not sure who he is calling - I think it might be his daughter - but he leaves strange and lovely messages; always making sure he includes the EXACT time he called. Sometimes his messages go on for a good five minutes. It is almost as if he is hoping someone will pick up and talk to him.

Perhaps the funniest thing about this is, he keeps misdialing my phone number, leaving these odd little messages and has yet to figure out the person whom the message is intended for, is never getting his message.

I dig you McKenny - keep on calling brother!