Praise Holabaloo She Is Moving!

The noisy bitch upstairs is moving! She cornered me in the elevator to give me the big news, and then asked me if I wanted to buy her place. I think the botox injections are finally wearing off. Her and the Walrus are remaining in the building but relocating to a unit on the top floor. Why? Because the people who currently live above them are NOISY (they have children who behave like children) and the Walrus is getting annoyed. Ironic, I know.

Now of course I am faced with the possibility of having people move in above me who are far nosier than the McFattersons but until that day I am not going to worry about it… much. I do, however, have concern for the people who will be living under the McFattersons. I hope I know them so we can compare notes and slam her fashion sense.

About two weeks ago I spent a solid 7 hours scrubbing the deck on my balcony. I made it look as clean and new as it did when they installed it. I am not afraid to admit I felt a real sense of accomplishment and if you had seen the state of the deck before I cleaned it you would allow me this luxury of self satisfaction. So I was in great anguish when early one morning (8:00am) I heard the familiar sounds of my upstairs neighbor sweeping her deck and saw all the dirt, dead leaves and other debris floating down and landing on my clean deck. Not only is this a bylaw infraction but it’s fucking rude. We have had this exchange before when, 8 years ago, she would water all her plants at the edge of her deck and within minutes I was treated to a close up look of Niagara Falls as the dirt filtered water plummeted down on my balcony. Well I managed to put a stop to that and I intended to put a stop to this.

I went out to my deck, swept up all the debris into a dustpan like an intelligent person does then I wrote this note:
“Please stop sweeping your crap onto my deck as I do believe it is an infraction of the bylaws. If this action continues I will be forced to report you to the Strata Council. Thanks!
#212”
I took the note and the debris and dumped it at her front door. Problem solved.

I HATE being an ogre about this shit but I cannot deal with such inconsiderate stupidity and rudeness. Maybe Ted Kosinski had the right idea.