This Just In....

The noisy bitch upstairs splashed out and got herself a facelift. Yes, the old girl had her skin hiked up and tucked behind her ears and now her face looks like a knee.
Whatever do I mean? It looks like someone took a wad of skin and stretched it over a misshaped pointy knee.
When I saw her getting off the elevator I knew my pupils had blown to the size of a saucer. I could see the sheen coming off her make-up encrusted face from 20 feet away; those cheek bones jetting out like wings on a plane. She was wearing a mini skirt, her trademark low cut top (HELLO CLEAVAGE!) and 5 inch cork wedge shoes. It was a scene right out of Night of the Living Tarts.