Fear And Loathing And Still Not Getting Much Sleep

My experiences in the Crap House and with the McFattersons have caused me to require complete silence when I sleep. The slightest little sound will wake me up now when before I could sleep through a cluster of fire trucks rumbling down our alley to put out a house fire in the dwelling across from ours (true story). I’ve become a consumer of foam earplugs and therefore believe my hearing is suffering because night after night I stuff my wax build up further into my head.

When I was living in Australia, I once visited a friend in Shepparton (about 90 minutes north of Melbourne) for six weeks and slept in a chair with a giant bean bag sack as a foot rest. It was either this or venture into the ‘sleep-out’. A sleep-out is a room accessed by leaving the house and it doesn’t necessarily have to be attached to the main structure. I’ve seen many a sleep-out over the years and some of them were pretty cool, but not the one that was built on to my friend’s former crack house in Australia. It looked as though someone was killed in it and I was sure if I picked up the carpet I’d find a chalk outline. The chair was by far the best option.

(At this point I would like to point out the toilet was also located outside in a little shack known as a ‘dunny’. I had no problem with the concept of needing shoes and a flashlight at 2am to do my business, it was the threat of something biting my ass that bothered me. Australia has a large number of deadly spiders, a fact that does not seem to worry the Aussies, but it fucking scared me enough that I would often walk 15 minutes into town just to use the toilet at McDonalds.)

My friend had a flatmate. His name was Balls (don’t ask) and the only way he was able to get to sleep was to play ‘Hey Boy – Hey Girl’ by The Chemical Brothers at an ear piercing volume ALL NIGHT LONG. At first I thought “he’ll turn it off at some point”, but he didn’t. Next I thought “maybe I should use the sleep out but if I died in there I am not 100% positive anyone would come looking for me”. Finally I thought “Deal with it” and I did. I actually managed to fall asleep every night and get some decent rest. I am almost totally sure it had nothing to do with the copious amounts of weed in my system. A side affect of this experience is the convulsions I suffer whenever I hear that song and the overwhelming urge to munch on grilled cheese sandwiches.

ANYWAY, back to my original thought here….. I need complete silence to sleep. I am out of the crap house; the McFattersons have taken their fat noisy inconsiderate asses to another part of the building and are no doubt annoying some other poor person but now I have a new enemy disrupting my sleep: the ticking clock. The clock is in the kitchen but it is so loud it might as well be around my neck (FLAVOR FLAV!). I am so sensitive to noise now I am thinking about investing in a sound proof coffin.

I’ve done a little research and have discovered I can get a digital clock that is meant to hang on the wall. Soon I will be tick free! But no doubt I will find something else that keeps me up….like my breathing.